10
我是 Dasha，然後我是烏克蘭人。我出生長大在烏克蘭，有一個城市叫做 Zaporizhzhia（扎波羅熱）。這個城市裡有名的核電廠，大概 60 公里的距離。
我長大的城市很大，很多工廠。那時候有 66 個工廠在那邊。然後我城市裡面也有很大的水庫，因為它要供應發電。自己唸書在大學也是念的是工程師，原本的我的學位是這樣。
我的故事比較特別，因為我沒有學中文。我來到台灣的時候，我的中文完全沒有，是零程度的。因為我先認識我未來先生，他是基督徒，他去烏克蘭宣教，跟他牧師，那我也是基督徒，所以我們在教會認識。然後我們，因為我們兩個人講英文，所以其實中文，我們可以不需要講中文，就是我們這樣就 OK 了。所以我們決定要結婚，然後嫁給台灣人。所以我來到台灣。
10 年以前， 2014 年我印象非常深刻，不但只是因為我的家在那邊，其實我家離那個戰爭地方，離烏東，我家鄉扎波羅熱， 其實離戰爭地方可能有 300 多公里的距離，所以那個算還蠻遠的，也沒有很近，其實還蠻遠的啦。我們那邊有很多難民，當時 2014 年，我已經人在台灣，所以我人不在那邊，所以其實我沒有，應該是跟那邊的當下的人與我的感受不太一樣，但是我印象深刻的原因是因為，那個時候我媽媽爸爸還在那邊，其實雖然我媽媽爸爸沒在一起，但是我跟我爸爸和媽媽還是很有感情的。我一直跟他們聯絡，我爸爸那時候沒有到六十歲，所以其實可以隨時去打仗的。那時候我爸爸五十幾歲。我爸爸很緊張因為他怕他真的要去打仗，他不想要去打仗。他很認真的跟我說，我真的不要去打仗，然後真的很有可能政府派我去打仗。
其實我看政府也一直在自欺他們， 也是沒有錯，但是就是互相關係好像越來越不好那樣。然後有的人是說，其實有的基督徒包括牧師，我那邊溝通的，他說他相信真的會打仗，但是我後來我就跟一些其他的基督徒問，他說不可能會打仗。所以很多人講的很不一樣。後來過了六個月，我是去那邊做一些事情，然後很快就回台灣了，因為這邊有家嘛。所以後來六個月以後，突然他們開始炸基輔，整個首都開始炸，從首都開始，不是從一個小的鄉下，而是直接炸首都耶，首都是一個地方，還有不同的地方，就是距離很遠的那樣子，就從不同地方開始同時炸、攻擊，那很恐怖，大家都嚇到，包括我的牧師女兒，就是我認識她，我還跟她聊，六個月以前跟她聊，她那時候去基輔那邊，不知道她那邊，反正一直在那邊，但是他們開始炸，她就是在那個地方，是我認識的一個朋友，然後她就決定，因為太可怕， 她馬上就是逃難到國外，因為那個太恐怖了。她也不敢回家鄉。
所以戰爭一開始，我印象非常的深刻，當然還有其他就是講不完，還有擔心家人，一直印象非常深刻，都一直非常深刻，是很負面的深刻，我心裡非常痛，因為看到我去過地方開始被炸，那個在火燒你知道嗎，那個是非常不捨的感覺，就是很痛苦，一直掉眼淚，就是非常有感覺，我們很痛心，就是一個國外有什麼打仗我就覺得很難過，但是你在那邊長大，你看到那個在火燒的畫面，那個是很難想像的一個痛苦啊！ 雖然我不在那邊但是心裡很痛。
當然一開始嚇到，但是後來就是 Life must go on，你知道嗎，對， 但是就是我覺得我一直在難過對於他們來說沒有任何的幫助，就是我的難過或者我的眼淚沒有辦法幫助半個人，是讓我好像一直在花自己的精神在難過，但是沒有辦法，我好像費力一直在難過什麼，嗯， It's not producing anything。就是它是一個好像浪費我的精神一樣，那我覺得我可能要往另外一個方向思考，就是 What can I do to help them 我能夠做什麼幫助他們？ 這是一件事情，因為我們教會，他們很支持我，那我也是跟他分享我的難過， 我覺得，會不會我的教會覺得，在烏克蘭我的母會覺得好不公平？ 我在好好的地方、安全地方，他們在那邊受苦，我心裡一直覺得我怎麼會享受我的人生？ 他們在痛苦，我這邊享受。
我的朋友鼓勵我說不是這樣，你記不記得神，祂叫你來這邊，是有祂的目的，所以你來這邊，反而你可以幫助他們更多，你在這邊比在那邊，其實效果比較好，你可以從這邊幫助他們更多，我一直跟他保持聯絡，他說他堅持要留下來，他要留下來，那除了他以外，我還有認識，那邊教會我朋友很多，其他的教會，因為他們都是一個 Union，其實他們是一起的，有點跟他不太一樣，我認識的牧師與同工他們都願意留下來。其實這個戰爭，不知道明天會炸哪裡，都是每天生命有危險，特別是我家鄉，旁邊都是在打仗，就是可能 20、 30 公里的距離都在打仗，所以也不知道什麼時候會一個飛彈在那邊降落。你知道嗎？但那些牧師覺得上帝要他們留下來，牧言這些受苦的人，幫助他們。
我國小一年級蘇聯就沒有了，所以很大的改變，剛好我國小一年級剛入學，所以其實我長大的母語是俄文，那因為我們，其實烏克蘭很大，它比台灣大 18 倍，我們知道，所以 18 個台灣就是一個烏克蘭，是這樣。那所以啊，因為那個地很大，所以他們也會受到， 像你說的， 旁邊的國家的影響，所以像靠近俄羅斯就是比較烏東，那邊大家都會講俄文，那比較靠近波蘭那邊講烏克蘭文，比較多，像西邊，烏克蘭西邊。所以我們一直到現在，像我這個年紀的人都會講俄文。雖然他是哈薩克人、亞美尼亞人，我有認識，他們有自己的語言，我是聽不懂的，但是我們有共同語言就是俄文，我們可以溝通的。所以現在好像我聽說，很多烏克蘭人一直很排斥俄文，他就是故意不講，雖然他講得很流利，因為背景的關係，我這個年紀已經沒有，我沒有年紀很大，但是就是我是差不多 40 歲，所以大概 40 歲的人也是很排斥這個俄文啊，這個語言。所以我覺得語言是語言，不是語言在攻擊你啊，是人在攻擊你。我是不會排斥語言。
所以我講俄文對我來說是自然，所以我就，例如說我跟當地我的朋友聯絡，我是講俄文，講烏克蘭我也會， 我也會，但是我覺得不自然。因為我們在家，我媽媽爸爸，我們家裡都是講俄文，我覺得很複雜，對，如果講簡單，因為我從小時候，雖然那個時候，蘇聯沒有這個國家，大家好像獨立了，但是其實我小時候那個年代，俄羅斯也沒有對烏克蘭不友善，是沒有。
所以去俄羅斯那邊玩是沒有問題的啊，也不需要簽證，我小時候長大的背景是這樣，對，就是我的印像中，就 2014 年開始這麼的嚴重， 2014 年以前我們烏克蘭人去俄羅斯是完全沒有問題的，他們來我們這邊也是沒有問題的，很多俄羅斯人住在烏克蘭，很多烏克蘭人住在俄羅斯，以前是這樣子的，非常容易，甚至我的家人，我的伯伯，他都一直在俄羅斯……
其實我小時候的語言就是俄文，我講俄文很舒服，我最流利的就是俄文，當然現在中文、英文也是很流利的，如果兩個選一個，烏克蘭文或俄文，那我會選俄文，因為這個是我的母語，就是我印象中就是用俄文表達的，所以那當然也許國家會用語言當工具，就是找藉口，因為語言的關係去攻擊，那個是另外一回事啊，我也不會去太專注這個東西啊，就覺得這個跟事情無關，就是語言，它是一個 victim of the situation 我個人的看法是這樣，所以我不會特別排斥，但是如果是我知道這個人，這個烏克蘭人我要跟他接觸，我跟他一些聯絡，那他堅持要用烏克蘭文跟我表達，我就明白他的意思，他的看法應該是跟我不一樣，那我也會尊重，我會馬上換，就是我會馬上用烏克蘭文跟他表達，不會去說服他怎麼樣，我會尊重，但是如果看到這個人他願意跟我講俄文，那我很開心，我也會講俄文，也不是代表我支持這個戰爭。
I'm Dasha. I'm Ukrainian. I was born and raised in Ukraine, in a city called Zaporizhzhia. There's a famous nuclear power plant in this city, about 60 kilometers away.
The city I grew up in is quite large, with many factories. At that time, there were 66 factories total. And there's also a large reservoir in my city because it's used for generating electricity. I studied engineering at university, and that's what my degree is in.
My story is somewhat unique because I didn't learn Chinese. When I came to Taiwan, I had no knowledge of Chinese, zero proficiency. It's because I met my future husband. He's a Christian missionary who went to Ukraine for mission work, and I, being a Christian too, met him through church. Since both of us speak English, we didn't need to speak Chinese, so we were fine with that. That's why we decided to get married, and I married a Taiwanese. So I came to Taiwan.
Ten years ago, in 2014, my impression was very strong. Not because my family was there. Because my hometown was quite far from the war zone. My hometown is about 300 kilometers away from the conflict area, so it's quite far. There were many refugees in our area. At that time, in 2014, I was already in Taiwan, so I wasn't there. So my experience might not be the same as those who were there. But what left a strong impression on me was that my parents were still there. Even though my parents were not together, I still had a strong emotional connection with both of them. I kept in touch with them. My dad was not yet sixty years old at that time. So he could be called up for duty at any time. He was in his fifties. My dad was very anxious because he didn't want to go to war. He told me earnestly that he really didn't want to go to war, and there was a real possibility that the government would send him to fight.
The government was actually in self-denial. But it seemed like the relationship between the government and the people was deteriorating. Some Christians, including pastors, with whom I communicated, believed that there would be a war. But later, when I asked some other Christians, they said it was impossible. So many people had different opinions. After six months, I went there to do some work, and then I quickly returned to Taiwan because I had a family here. So, six months later, suddenly they started bombing Kyiv, the capital. The whole capital was under attack. They started from the capital, not just some rural areas. It was a terrifying situation. Everyone was scared, including my pastor's daughter. I knew her, and I talked to her six months ago when she went to Kyiv. I didn't know exactly where she was, but she was always there. When the bombings started, she decided to flee abroad immediately because it was too terrifying. She didn't dare to return to her hometown.
So, when the war started, it left a very strong impression on me. Of course, there were other things that I can't fully express. I was worried about my family, and it left a very strong and negative impression. I felt very painful seeing the places I had visited being bombed and burned. It was a feeling of great sorrow. I shed tears constantly, feeling very emotional. We were all very saddened by the war. It's very sad to see a war happening in another country, but when you grew up there and witnessed the scenes of destruction, it's a pain that's hard to imagine!
Of course, at first, I was very scared. But after a while, life must go on, you know? I felt like my sadness or my tears couldn't help anyone. It's like I was just spending my emotional energy on being sad, but it wasn't producing anything. It felt like a waste of my spirit. So, I thought maybe I should shift my focus to what I can do to help them. That's the thing. Because our church supported me a lot. And I also shared my sadness with them. I wondered if my church would think it's unfair that I'm in a good and safe place while they're suffering there. I kept feeling guilty, like how can I enjoy my life when they're in pain?
But my friends encouraged me and reminded me of God. They said, "Remember, God called you here for a purpose. You can help them more from here than if you were there. Your presence here can make a bigger impact." So, I stayed in touch with them. Some insisted on staying there. Apart from them, there were others in the church community who were willing to stay. In this war, you never know where the next bomb will fall. Every day is risky, especially in my hometown where fighting is happening nearby, maybe just 20 or 30 kilometers away. So, you never know when a missile might land there. But those pastors believe that God wants them to stay, to preach to the suffering and help them.
When I was in first grade, the Soviet Union ceased to exist, which was a significant change. It happened right when I started elementary school. So my native language growing up was actually Russian. Ukraine is quite large—it's 18 times larger than Taiwan—so you can think of 18 Taiwans as one Ukraine. Because of its size, Ukraine is influenced by neighboring countries. For instance, areas closer to Russiapredominantly speak Russian, while those nearer to Poland speak Ukrainian. In western Ukraine, people mostly speak Ukrainian. People like my age, we can speak Russian. Although I know Kazakh and Armenian people who have their own languages that I don't understand, our common language is Russian. So we can communicate. I've heard that many Ukrainians intentionally avoid speaking Russian due to historical reasons, even though they are fluent in it. I'm approaching 40 years old, and many people around my age also tend to reject the Russian language. For me, language is just language; it's not the language attacking you, it's the people. I don't reject languages.
So speaking Russian feels natural to me. For example, when I communicate with my local friends, I speak Russian. I can also speak Ukrainian, but it feels less natural. At home, my mom and dad speak Russian. It’s complicated but simply put because growing up, there was no Soviet Union anymore. And it seemed like we were independent. In my childhood, Russia wasn't hostile towards Ukraine.
So traveling to Russia was no problem, no visa needed. That's how I grew up and my impression until 2014, when things started getting serious. Before 2014, Ukrainians traveling to Russia or Russians coming here were totally fine, very easy. Many Russians lived in Ukraine, many Ukrainians in Russia, it used to be like that, very easy. Even my family, my uncle, he's always been living in Russia...
Actually, my native language is Russian, and I feel very comfortable speaking it. I am most fluent in Russian. Of course, now, my English and Chinese are also fluent. If I had to choose between Ukrainian or Russian, I would choose Russian because it's my mother tongue. So, if language is used as a tool by countries to attack, that's another matter. But I don't focus too much on that. Language is a victim of the situation, in my opinion. So, I don't specifically reject it. But if I know someone, Ukrainian, and they want to communicate with me in Ukrainian, I understand that their perspective might be different from mine, and I respect that. I'll switch to Ukrainian to communicate with them. I won't try to persuade them otherwise. But if they're willing to speak Russian with me, I'm happy to do so, and it doesn't mean I support the war.
